Monday, September 20, 2010

Advice Needed. Caution: LONG STORY.

Ok blogger buddies, I'm going to tell you a story.  After you hear the whole story, I need your advice.  Please, try not to judge me too much here:  

Ok, the story starts a few months back, during the small break between Spring and Summer semester.  

My Aunt, we'll call her A, was visiting my Grandmother, we'll call her G, in Mississippi.  G lives just under 2 hours from me, so it's not unreasonable to go over there semi-often.  Due to my hectic school/study schedule however, I didn't go out there as often as I would have liked.  

Over the Summer, G started feeling worse.  She's always a bit sickly, but she really started feeling worse: bouts of not able to get out of bed, throwing up, etc...  She lives down the street from her mom, we'll call her D, who is also not the picture of perfect health any more.  I've got to give D credit though, she's seriously almost 100 years old.  So, all things considered, she's pretty fit, she just has a lot of doctor's appointments to go to.  Well, being that it's her mom and she lives down the street, the role of chauffeur often falls to G.  She doesn't like it, a fact she's shared with me on more than one occasion.  In the past, I'd advised her to find a local church who'd be willing to pitch in.  I mean, if it's running G ragged, she really can't afford to do it.  G didn't listen and continued to be chauffeur.  

So, here's where I come in: G has called me multiple times, telling me that she's worn out and she needs help.  A and her to kids were there, and G has told me that the kids are hard to handle.  [A word on that, I've been around these kids.  They're not hard to handle.  Actually, they're pretty good.  But, I figured I'd give her the benefit of the doubt; I mean, she's old, maybe they are hard for her to handle.  It's reasonable.]

So, in an attempt to be a good granddaughter, I dropped everything and went over there to try to help.  I'm not playing martyr here, I chose to go over there to help.  I take full responsibility for it and I'm not asking for a pat on the back here.  I'm just stating the facts so you've got background for what's about to happen.  

Ok, so, long story short, I'm there, and it turns out that A is in the middle of a cancer scare!  Harper and I go up there for a few days here and there over the next week and a half.  The whole situation definitely put everyone on edge.  A's got doctors appointments left and right, and the kids need to be watched, because obviously it would be horribly traumatizing to go to your mom's cancer appointment and hear that she's dying or something.  

So, A schedules her check up, and Heath and I agree to come out that day and help her watch the kids.  Remeber, G has already said it's too much for her. 

Well, the night before we go A says she'd like for me to go to her appointment with her, and Heath to be with the kids and the McDonald's down the street if that's alright (because it has a play place for the kids).  She asked us to not mention it to G.  Of course we agreed.  At that point if she'd said she wanted us to watch her kids on the moon we would have agreed!  We didn't know what her medical situation was, and we wanted her to have as little stress as possible.  

So, we go with the plan, we all leave the house together, and Heath stops at the McDonald's with the kids, and we go down the street to the doctor's office.  I waited in the waiting room while she had tests run.  Once we finish up, we get Heath and the kids and head into the neighboring town for lunch.  A couldn't eat before and she wanted food.  :)  So, we waste away the afternoon, A seems happy to be done with the test and out of the house for a while.  

We get back to G's house, and they're not home.  They'd gone to church and the grocery store.  They get home a few minutes later.  G walks in the door, looks at us, ignores us, and walks straight back to her room.  G's husband, we'll call him GH, walks by us with a heaping pile of groceries.  Heath asks if he can help, and GH very rudely says no.  Hm...that's weird.  So, I tell A that I'm going to go say goodbye and then we've got to go. It is late after all and we've got a 2 year old who needs to get to bed.  I go in the kitchen where GH and G are putting away groceries.  Interesting, G went through her room to avoid us in the living room...again, weird.  I don't assume anything, because hey, maybe they're just tired.  That's ok.  I'm tired too, I understand.  I walk toward G to hug her and she backs away from me and puts her hands up, almost defensively...  

I say, "Hey, I just wanted to let yall know we've got to get going.  We'll be back soon, but it's getting late."  

G. Just. Stares. 

I say, "Um, what's going on?  Are you mad at me or something?"  

GH steps in and says, in quite a raised voice, "I thought you said you had to leave."

I respond, "I do have to leave, but if you're mad we should discuss it.  I mean, I can take a minute..."

--"Don't push the issue!" he interjects as he comes closer to me.  

G is still just...standing there.  I'm thinking: What the hell?!  This man isn't even my relative; he's my grandmother's second husband!  Who the hell does he think he is?  Why isn't she doing something?  I'm her granddaughter for goodness sake.  I thought we had a relationship?  HELLO!?!?!  

I honestly am shocked that she's just standing there.  She hasn't said one word.  Not one word!  

So, I back away and say "I love you.  Goodbye."  

I walk out of the house.  A asks me what happened, and I'm shaken.  I mean, I don't even know why they're mad.  They won't explain.  They were so...mean.  I tell her what happened.  She's pissed.  She tells me he's wrong, but don't be too harsh on them.  Forgive them, that sort of thing.  She's probably right.  


That was at the beginning of the Summer, between May and June.  I haven't talked to my grandmother once since then.  She did email me once, and here's why.  For her birthday, my dad (her son) called her.  I don't know the whole story, but I know that she told him that I was wrong and I hurt her feelings.  Well, my dad (thank you Dad!) asked her what I did wrong.  She couldn't or didn't really say.  Long story short, I think she was worn out from things that had nothing to do with me and she treated me like shit because of it.  Well, he basically told her that she shouldn't treat me that way, and that it was a reflection of how she felt about him and their relationship, if she was willing to treat his daughter that way (I'm not sure I totally agree with that, but it was really nice for him to defend me nonetheless.)  

Well, unsurprisingly, I get an "apology" email from her.  Keep in mind guys, it's been well over a month since the incident.  Sadly I don't have the email anymore.  I can tell you this though, it was insincere and full of excuses.  I didn't respond at the time.  

It's been months since I got that email from her, so long that I don't have the email in my mailbox any more.  I've tried to let it go, but we now have friends in common on facebook, so I've seen her comments here and there, and it really just makes me angry.  

My question for you guys is this: because it's still bothering me, kind of a lot, should I send her an email and let her know that her behavior was not only confusing but hurtful too?  I won't be mean if I send her an email, but I'd like her to know how I feel.  So, what do you think?  Should I do it?  


  1. Oh, I should have included this in the story too. A is fine. No cancer that we know of! Thank God. :)

  2. That is a tough one Danielle!!! On one hand, you don't want to be mean and make it worse. On the other hand, she had jo reason to treat you or your family that way. I personally, and this is just me, would email her and say something along the lines of what's the deal. You took time from your schedule, and I know you are busy busy, and went to help her. There wasn't a reason for her to act like that, and there especially wasn't a reason she should have allowed her husband to talk to you like that! I know that probably doesn't really help, but I hope things get better!! And it's great A is cancerfree!!!!